Cream of the Crop 11/Cream of the Crop 11-1.iso/faq/happymar.zip/HAPPYMAR.TXT

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ADDITIONAL READING:
How to Have A Happy Home
The Road to Godly Youth
Seven Secrets to Child Training





WRITE TO:
True Witness Ministries
P.O. Box 386
Port Jefferson, New York 11777




A Ministry of The True Church of God
2341 Third Avenue
N.Y., N.Y. 10035







HOW TO HAVE  A HAPPY
MARRIAGE


By THOMAS STREITFERDT SR.
PASTOR-TEACHER







True Witness Ministries
New York, New York




Copyright 1995
Printed in the United States of America

Marriage is the oldest institution known to man.  It dates back to
creation and the garden of Eden.

God Himself performed the first marriage ceremony.  He also gave away
the first bride.

You will find the beautiful history in the first two chapters of your
Bible.

On the sixth day of creation week, having fashioned the world into
a very lovely home, for the bridegroom and bride-to-be, God said,

"Let us make man in our image, after our likeness:  and let them have
dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and
over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing
that creepeth upon the earth." (Genesis 1:26)

And so He did.  The sacred record says:

"So God created man in His own image.  In the image of God created
He him; male and female created He them."  (Genesis 1:27)

How this miracle was wrought is described in the following chapter,
where we are told that after making Adam, God said to Himself,

"It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help
meet for him."  (Genesis 2:18)

"And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept:
and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof;
And the rib which the Lord God had taken from man, made He a woman,
and brought her unto the man.
And Adam said, This is now bone of my bone, and flesh of my flesh:
she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.
Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother and shall cleave
unto his wife; and they shall be one flesh." (Genesis 2:21-24)

The exquisite loneliness of this scene is all too frequently overlooked.
People smile at this "story"
as if it were only a hoary legend or a foolish fable.  How much they
miss!

Granted, it does seem at first thought, a strange thing for God to
do.  Having made the earth by saying, "Let the dry land appear"; having
made the forest by saying, "Let the earth put forth vegetation"; having
filled the oceans with fish by saying, "Let the waters bring forth
abundantly", why did He not say, "Let there be a woman"?  Why after
making Adam the most marvelous creature in the wonderful new world,
did He take a rib from his perfect body to make a life companion for
him?

There must have been a good reason why God acted thus, and there was.
God wanted man to know right from the beginning that his wife was
truly a part of him, so that he would ever treat her as he would himself.


A Wife for Adam

The Bible says that God made Eve to be an "help meet" for Adam. She
was to stand by his side always, helping him, working with him, playing
with him and sharing life's joys with him.  She was to be the model,
the forerunner of all such help-mates.

To catch the full significance of that first marriage, look at it
again more carefully.  Watch God at work.  See how He brought it about.

Adam is asleep.  God has removed one of His ribs.  Out of this, with
infinite skill and wisdom, He makes a woman.

Even as He had formed man of the dust of the ground, giving him a
body, a brain, a nervous system, a breathing apparatus and a blood
circulatory system together with the ability to see, hear, taste, feel,
think, remember and judge, which are still marvels to the medical profession,
He now with equal ingenuity, fashions the one who is to be the mother
of the whole human race.

How perfectly He molds her features!  With what lovingfullness He
places within her mind, a heart, all the tenderness, gentleness, sweetness
patience and long-suffering love that He wants every future mother
to possess!  It does not take Him long.  Suddenly there stands before
Him, the fairest creature of all creation, her eyes sparkling with
the joy of life, a tender smile giving her face a beauty beyond compare.

Slowly and gracefully, she takes her first few steps and God brings
her "unto the man".

She looks down at the sleeping form before her:  "Who can this be?"
she wonders.  Adam opens his eyes and looks up.  Before him stands
a being so beautiful, so choice, so noble, so altogether lovely that
he can scarcely believe she is real.

It was love at first sight.  Instantly, both realized that they belonged
to each other.  Clasping hands, they walk away together under the smiling
benediction of their Creator.
Again this passage reminds us of God's primary purpose in marriage.
It was to make two people happy.  When He made the first man and the
first woman, He did so with their best interest in mind.  He knew that
only by sharing life together could they taste its richest joys.

Jesus on Marriage

One should not overlook the fact that it was really Christ who performed
the first wedding marriage.  (See Colossians 1:16.)  Thus, it was the
first Christian marriage, a fact which lends special significance to
His comments upon matrimony.

The Pharisees had come to Him with the tricky question,
"Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause?"
Jesus answered:
"Have ye not read, that He which made them at the beginning made them
male and female,
And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and
shall cleave to his wife:  and they twain shall be one flesh?"
Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh.  What therefore God
hath joined together, let not man put asunder." (Matthew 19:3-6)

Thus, as on other occasions, He answered His opponents by stating
a fundamental truth.  In this case, that marriage was divinely intended
to unite two persons for their joint sojourn on this earth.

Here, He touched upon the first of five vital secrets of a happy marriage.

1.  Preserve unity at all costs.

"....they twain shall be one flesh" said Jesus,
"....Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh."

Obviously, it was the gracious design of the Divine Creator of the
marriage institution that the man and woman shall be united not only
legally, but totally.

A marriage should be two hearts laid on an altar that is aglow with
the fire of divine love here to be fused and forged into one sacred
instrument for God and coming forth more strong, more efficient, more
durable than ever one could be, alone.

It should be a trusting place, at the cross-roads of life, where two
travelers meet, and linking arms and minds and hearts, stride on together
with ten-fold more confidence and zeal toward one purpose, and holy
goal.

It should be the beginning of a life-long experience of thinking together,
talking together, planning together, hoping together, praying together.
The beautiful oneness should pervade every phase of life from wedding
day till journey's end.

It is not without good reason, the former words employed at a wedding
ceremony include the solemn marriage pledge.  It is based on six millennia
of experience and it is vital to married happiness.  How tragic that
so many brides and grooms recite the words all too carelessly without
a thought for the solemnity of the promise!  The precious unity of
marriage should be guarded with the utmost diligence.  Never should
it be spoken of facetiously.  It is too valuable to fritter away in
idle jesting.  How many have wished, too late, that the first hint
of separation had never been spoken!  Encircle the vital unity, the
protecting walls of love; loving words, loving deeds, mutual thoughtfulness,
mutual tolerance, mutual forgiveness, above all, with a determination
to stick together always, come what may.

In this way, lies happiness.

2.  Keep confidence.

From the moment that two young people leave on their honeymoon, they
should resolve that there are some things that they will tell nobody
else on earth, because henceforth they belong together, they should
keep their innermost secrets to themselves.

Nothing will contribute more to preserving unity, than keeping private
matters within the walls of the new home.  That is where they belong.
That is where they should be kept.  They are nobody else's business,
not even of close relatives or old friends.

Each home, if it is to last, must have a secret citadel of exclusiveness
where no prying eyes or gossiping tongues are permitted.

Mutual trust, thus fostered, will grow with the passing years.  No
outside influence will ever beget suspicions or insert the first wedge
of doubt.

This way, lies happiness.

3.  Settle misunderstandings at once.

Two persons of different backgrounds and upbringing, sometimes of
different nationality and language are bound to have misunder-standings.
It would be unrealistic to expect otherwise.  These are parts of the
adjustments that marriage entail.  But they should never be allowed
to be developed into long-drawn-out quarrels.  Your Bible suggests
that they should be settled on the same day they arise - before nightfall.
"....Let not the sun go down upon your wrath" counsels the apostle
Paul (Ephesians 4:26).  His advice is particularly good for married
couples.

Agreement may come only as a result of one party backing down from
the position taken in the heat of argument, saying, "I'm sorry" for
an unkind word or ungenerous deed.  But it is a rewarding attitude
to take, infinitely preferable to letting the misunderstanding fester
until it bursts into open enmity.  Costliness of petty grievances,
cherished and unresolved, is beyond calculation.  Every highway to
a divorce court is strewn with the resulting wreckage.

At the onset of any quarrel, read these temper-cooling words:

"I therefore, a prisoner of the Lord, beseech you that ye walk worthy
of the vocation wherewith you are called,
With all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one
another in love;
Endeavouring to keep the unity of the spirit in the bound of peace."
(Ephesians 4:1-3)

In this way lies happiness.

4.  Let love prevail.

This is the solution for most difficulties.

"And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves:  for
charity shall cover the multitude of sins." (I Peter 4:8)

The word charity here, is better translated, love, from the Greek
word, "agape".  Read the biblical definition of the word, "agape".
(Read I Corinthians chapter 13.)

Never let love die out.  Keep it alive, whatever may have been said
or done.  Keep it "unfailing" and sooner or later, it will cover all
sins.  The hurts will be healed, the mistakes will be forgotten, the
impatience and unkindness will be forgiven.

Given a chance, love (agape) will prevail always.

This was the burden of Paul's letters to the Ephesians.


"Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church,
and gave Himself for it;
That He might sanctify and cleanse it by the washing of water by the
word,
That He might present it to Himself a glorious church, not having
spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and
without blemish.
So ought men to love their wives as their bodies.  He that loveth
his wife loveth himself.
For no man ever yet hateth his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth
it, even as the Lord the church:
For we are members of his body, of His flesh and of his bones.
For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall
be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.
This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even
as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband." (Ephesians
5:25-33)

He could not have spoken more plainly and helpfully.  Husbands should
love their wives with the same selfless, sacrificial love that Christ
has shown for His church.  Wives are to respond in like manner.
With such love motivating and sustaining a marriage, what else could
it be but a success.

In this way lies happiness.

5.  Let God direct.

A dedicated marriage will never break up.  When husband and wife gladly
put God first in everything, and look to Him for direction in all their
affairs, they will be blessed with a peace, harmony and contentment
that will be the envy of their friends.  Unity in worship, unity in
devotion, unity of sacrifice will do more than anything else to keep
a marriage durable. Therefore, if you want your marriage to last, share
your Christian experience.  Pray together.  Say with Joshua:

"...As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord" (Joshua 24:15)

In this way too, lies happiness.